My anxiety and depression have been swallowing me whole lately. I find I have no desire to do anything but try to keep my head above water, and at times even that is a struggle that I teeter on losing. I have finally come to a point in my illness to be able to admit that I need help. I need to seek professional help to see if we can't find something to help me keep these demons at bay. Self-medicating only works when you can get that medication and that can be an issue at times and then it feels like my whole world is shattered in pieces around my feet. I had a particularly hard day this week. I did not want to do anything other than curl up in my bed and sleep...waking up was optional and not particular necessary or desired. My usual comforts: books, music, words....nothing could pull me out of this crippling melancholy. I feel so selfish and ashamed of my behavior. My family is subjected to this and no matter how much I try to keep the worst from them, they still are forced to participate in the chaotic gambit my emotions like to run. I have support...I have an amazing family who love me and try to be there for me and understanding. I have friends who are willing to be a shoulder to cry on or a wall to beat my fists against (figuratively of course) I am just so tired of putting them through this unpredictable roller coaster. I have such a difficult time admitting I need help, much less to ask for it, but please if you believe in a higher power...send out a request into the universe that I might find some release. |