Fuck this world...that is how I feel right now. My anxiety and depression are about to decimate what is left of my soul. I am so tired of feeling like I am being punished for some unknown sin. What else can be the explanation for the shit that keeps being thrown at me and my family. I am so over it all. If it wasn't for my husband and children, I would run the fuck away to never be found. Unfortunately, escape is not that easy either. I am told to just pray and that I won't be given more than I can handle...well, someone needs to recalculate that because I am broken. My heart and soul are in pieces. It doesn't seem to matter what I do to try to make things better because it never works. I just want to quit...i want to quit hurting, i want to quit disappointing others, i want to quit failing at life.
I am petrified that I have cause irrevocable damage to my daughter. She has been through so much shit in her short life and yet accepts it all like a champ. She is so resilient, but only because this is all she has known her whole life......struggle and heartache. Sometimes I wonder if she wouldn't be better off without me, maybe she would have a better life if someone else were raising her because I apparently am a piss poor adult who can't seem to catch a break and get life up out of this hole. |